I often get asked how I can be so happy (I think most people mean sane) when I have five children. The answer lies somewhere between surrendering my old ways of trying to over-manage everyone in my family and being forced to recognize that the only person who can make me happy is… ME! It’s an awareness that didn’t materialize overnight. It took years, and lots of wasted energy, to grow a new perspective on what really matters. The integration of setting daily intentions of what I personally needed in order to make my life easier and relishing the journey of parenthood without trying to control things helped me to become the person and parent I am today.

I’ve always been curious about family dynamics and how parenting affects outcomes. I am struck by parents who remain content regardless of the state of the world around them and the specific childhood practices that result in success. These observations have taught me essential ideas that I share in my book Wing It Parenting and, when implemented regularly, make raising children easier and this mama much happier.

1. Use intuition. Regardless of what’s happening outside of your home (in the news, communicated by relatives, shared in mommy groups, etc.) using your intuition helps guide you in making the best decisions for you and your family. It naturally boosts confidence and teaches your child to listen to their own inner voice. The more it’s practiced, the better you’ll get at recognizing it. No one can navigate your individual circumstances better than you, and that results in happier outcomes.

2. Say “yes” more than you say “no.” Are your responses and permissiveness based on what’s best for you or your child with the circumstances at hand? Parents who take the time to pause to think about their thinking before responding to child’s question or request offer better guidance. Practicing this regularly builds respect, reduces conflict, helps children become more responsible and lessens stress for parents.

3. Trust more, fear less. There is much instability in the world that often causes parents to use fear-based approaches in an effort to protect their children. Building up the faith they have in their children rather than worrying about the unpredictability in each situation, organically builds confidence for both parent and child. Individuals raised in trusting environments make better decisions for themselves and have healthier development. As a result, family dynamics are less stressed and everyone is happier.

4. Tap into each child’s individual interests. Have you ever seen a family where everyone participates in the same sport or plays a specific instrument? It’s rare that siblings prefer the same catalog of activities. Usually, that’s an example of parents doing what is easiest without early input from their children. Each child has their own interests and unique talents. Parents who honor individuality grant their children autonomy to seek and experience activities they like. Children need space and time to explore personal preferences. This organically helps them build better self-esteem and reach personal potential.

5. Value diverse relationships. Even when another individual may feel less than desirable to you, at the end of the day, it’s really good for children to observe different types of relationships. Human interactions help shape their understanding of themselves and the world at large. No matter what’s happening on the national stage, parents must narrate the benefits of diverse voices respectfully. When children encounter individuals who have different ideas and viewpoints (which they will throughout their lives) an empathetic, open-minded approach helps broaden their perspectives and teaches them important life lessons.

In summary, there are a lot of ups and downs throughout the parenting journey. Those who make a concerted effort to stay in the moment and appreciate their children for who they are and the circumstances that arise, undoubtedly remain happier. Happy parenting!